I laid out my UK visa on the table for a friend of mine to see. Only then did it occur to me that I had seven days left before a four-month semester in Scotland.
Time is moving quickly and the sudden urge to pull back is what I am feeling now. This is incomparable to a year-long trip that others have taken, but it is as equally challenging given that I only know of travel from jumping from place-to-place for short periods of time. I am setting up a home for myself in a foreign land and I cannot guarantee that I will be the same person when I return.
This unpredictability used to be exciting, but now that I’m closer to my departure, I’m not so sure if this is where I want to be. It's maybe selfish of me to think of this topic while my friend and I share a bowl of fries, but these are the warm moments that trigger such fears of change. Will I be able to comfortably sit in silence with the same people when I return? Will I enjoy my time abroad? What happens when I don’t make friends? Will I still want to be around the same people? Will I still appreciate the same things? Who will I become?
Rightfully so, my companion alleviated my concerns with four simple words: You are being ungrateful.
His words stung my ego because I knew he was right. My complaints aren’t rooted at the lack of support for my ambitions or financial resources. There isn’t anything that impedes my progress to study abroad. I have all the necessary tools to achieve an education that some students do not have access to. The issue is that I am a coward for allowing my feelings of fear to take this experience for granted.
No one should be afraid of change no matter how scary the unknown is. The world is a large space and I would be remiss to think that the amount of untapped knowledge through travel was not a daunting task. There is always a lot to learn but the way information alters the human perspective should not be reason to back out.
I am seven days away from a journey of a lifetime but already learning more about personal bravery at home. Embrace the lessons. It’s all about taking this growth one day at a time to see where it goes.
